Dear old friend,
Although it has been 5 years now since we last spoke, I still find myself remembering our friendship from time to time. When we were younger, we were part of a trio that I believed would be inseparable. We shared all those hormonal teenage years together, we had all-night sleepovers (38 hours awake is still my record to beat), we shared secrets and ultimately, we became part of each other’s family. But now, I find it hard to remember the fun times without thinking about where it all went wrong.
You always made me laugh. You always knew what to say when I was heartbroken, which was a pretty permanent state for me at the time. You were the one person who told me the things that I probably didn’t want to hear, but 100% needed to. You never tip-toed around me; if I was being an idiot, I sure knew about it.
You also knew when you had to let me go so I could learn for myself. And even though we argued sometimes, you were always there to help pick up the pieces when it was all over. You stood by me when everything went very badly wrong and when it felt like the world had turned against me, you were there. You covered for me on multiple occasions if my parents got suspicious of our teenage antics. You believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. There were many times when you saved me from myself, probably without even realising. Anything bad that happened just brought us closer together, so it wasn’t that bad in the end.
Never once did I think that there would come a day where we would fight and never make up. That just simply wasn’t us. But that’s the thing about life – you can’t plan things, and no matter how much we love someone, one moment can change everything.
I still partly regret the last day of our friendship. I know deep in my heart that I did the right thing, but it wasn’t worth losing you over. And for that I am unequivocally sorry. I said a lot of things I didn’t mean; but my anger was fuelled by emotion, by caring too much, by being too involved. I like to think that we didn’t give up on our friendship. Life got messy and complicated and sometimes things happen and we’re too proud to admit when we’re wrong or too scared to see what is right in front of us. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t think about you, that doesn’t mean I’m not still rooting for you and hoping that all your dreams will come true.
You were my number one sidekick and everything that we ever did together has helped to shape me into the person that I am today, and I can only thank you for that. Thank you for helping to get me through the toughest years of my life.
You were part of my family; and even though you aren’t a part of my life like you used to be – you still matter. So if you ever feel lost or in pain or you don’t know what to do next, please know that I’m still here, still caring, still wishing you all the best in the world.
The friend that will never give up on you.